4¢

I'm Not So Shore About This...

2011-01-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

S: So someone let this happen. Even more shocking is that Entertainment Weekly said the book "isn't that bad." This might be the end of civilization if Snooki, self proclaimed pickle-touting, WAHHH shouting, oompa loompa... is now an author.

I'm still trying to find the right words to describe how I feel about this. A good friend of mine, via Twitter, wrote the following about what he would do with his own shiny copy:

"Why don't you want to own a copy? I just cleared space for it to sit between my copies of Great Expectations & Wuthering Heights."

I laughed. Heartily, even. But then I thought to myself: OH MY GOD ARE PEOPLE GOING TO PUT THIS ON SHELVES? COFFEE TABLES? It's not even an autobiography, for Christ's sake. It's "fiction." I would almost understand if someone actually did want her life story, for all it's actual ridiculousness. But someone had the idea that this pumpkin-colored guidette has a real knack for story telling.

Even more disturbing is that this chick frequents my town on a regular basis, now that she's dating someone I went to high school with. And I genuinely wish them the best of luck. Really. And I actually have nothing against the Snook. Honestly, I was her circa 2006. I have pictures to prove it and everything. Dare I say I was the "original?!" I find her endlessly entertaining, if not even slightly charming.

But to publish this... lady? Cherub? 18 year old frozen in time? Is kind of a travesty.

Maybe I'm just jealous that A and I haven't gotten offers to make our blog into a movie. You know what they say...

ur jealousy is my energy - eva wonda y im so hypa?

Who Needs a Job if You've Got a Uterus??

2011-01-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

A: Oh, what's that? That giant elephant in the room? Fine, we (mainly I), have been neglecting bloggy here. And I really shouldn't do that. Bloggy cries all day long because it feels so sad and lonely, and I just ignore ignore ignore. Well, it's a new year and I'm turning over a new leaf. At least for these first 2 weeks. First topic of oh' leven: Teenage Mothers!

Mainly the ones on shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant - which I will admit from the get-go, I LOVE. These two MTV's documentary series follow a bunch of preggo teens from before they pop, and their lives after, showcasing the struggles and hardships of giving birth and raising children at such a young age. Aside from providing entertainment, this show was supposed to (and I'm only assuming because Dr. Drew always looks so sad and disappointed on the reunion specials) turn kids away from having sex so young, especially without protection.

Well wrong you were MTV. Foiled again. What's actually happening is that teenagers are now viewing these shows as their ticket out of their sad pathetic lives in Bumblefuck, USA. They're getting pregnant on purpose in order to land a gig on these shows, and if you play your cards right (aka are depressing enough) you can make a couple grand an episode.

So, yeah. That's happening. Can't say I'm surprised. There are way worse things people are willing to do out there to make a few bucks than make babies. So why not? Shoot a ball of crying, pooping slime out of your vag and you'll be a thousandaire!!! You don't even have to keep the baby! Look at that Forehead-y BraceFace and her toothy, under-grown lover man. They sent their bundle of joy off to some other family to deal with. That's just genius right there! Then they spent the entire series crying about it and fighting with that Crypt Keeper heroine addict they referred to as "Mom" (whom we all know stole that entire show, anyways).

So that's nice. I'm glad MTV is offering an alternative career, Professional Teenage Mothers. I, however, made it past my teens without managing to get pregnant, so I guess I'm shit out of luck. But I can't help but wonder if Teen Mom offers a 401K plan...

Also, check out this asshole. I don't even think she's in it for the money. Idiot.

That Was Fun, College

2010-12-11T05:26:00.000-08:00

S: So I graduated yesterday. Just like that. Had to come in and watch a 2.5 hour movie and am currently working on finishing the application exam at this ungodly hour. I mean so TECHNICALLY I'm done as soon as I submit it. But uh yea. That was really thrilling.

A graduated in May so for her this is all old news. But she had a ceremony in May ok! So I get to whine a little bit. Just my two cents (heh.heh.).

College was fun, I guess. Had a few choice evenings when I was beyond drunk (funny enough, A was there for most of those evenings), dated some special characters, pulled "all-nighters" (a la until 3AM), slept in instead of going to classes, etc. I did it all, albeit not as much as other people. It was better than high school, if at least for the fact that I got to come and go as I pleased.

I know everyone keeps saying "real world sucks, stay in school." I'm really hoping that's just a thing that everyone says. Like saying "bless you" when someone sneezes even though people said that in the old days because they thought it was the devil leaving your body and these days that's clearly not the case. Just something to say because it feels the right way. But I really hope my prime was not in college. Because if so, I have no problem going back for some continuing education. Or just killing myself at 22.

My younger cousin has taken to asking everyone if "real life" is better than these "amazing 4 years" of her life. She is terrified that this is it for her; she will never be happier than she is now, at this very moment. I see her point, but um, I haven't felt quite fulfilled in college. Living off of mommy and daddy's money? Spending money like crazy because I don't have rent to think about? Mature. Part of me is looking forward to being a real person. Hell, popping out some kids someday. Making A the godmother of my children and handing them off to her when I get sick of them. And vice versa.

I have a little knot in my stomach because I have no idea what to expect. At this point in time I have three interviews in New York City. Yay S. But that also means rooming with my parents for an undetermined period of time. Having a designated driver whenever I decide to go out for drinks. Living by the schedule (and mercy) of NJ Transit. Communicating solely with A via text messages and spotty sightings until she is finally allowed back into her home. All of this is a little scary to me.

Even scarier? Not being around for senior week. I hope my place of employment, whatever it may be, will understand the need for me to be on that Booze Cruise. Still a few bad decisions I haven't made.

A: Okay, Graduation. Here we go.

Words of wisdom: Don't. Just don't graduate. You think you hate school, but that's only because you don't know what the real world is like. So fail a few classes, take some time off - whatever. Graduating is meh.

I did it already, before S and before many of my other friends and a lot of days I wish I was still in school again. I'm not too crazy about the real world. Too many ups and downs, and there are just a bunch of assholes out there you have to deal with. You're not in college anymore paying people to spoon feed you information. Nope, now you're working for the assholes. And there's a lot of ass kissing that goes along with it. And it's not fun.

The plus side is that you're making your own cash now, which is nice. The novelty of that wears off though as soon you watch your bank account go from $$$$$$ to practically zero on the first of every month. That's just how the bubble bursts, folks. Before you know it your stuck in a dead-end job, with an over-weight boyfriend, getting preggo left and right because that's what you're supposed to do.

See where graduating gets you? No thanks. Instead, I'm going back to school. That's right. More school, more putting off real life. I'm going to get myself a law degree. After that, maybe an MBA? I hear you don't have to pay off your loans until you start working anyways. So I just won't. I'm just gonna pile on the degrees, become the smartest chick in the world, and stay in school forever. For. Ev. Er.

Just let that one sink in.

No "Dam" Way (rated NC 17)

2010-11-18T07:25:00.000-08:00

S: I don't recall how the conversation started in the first place, but recently the topic of dental dams came up. I have so many questions about this product. Namely: why? I get safe sex. I do. I am all about attempting to live your whole life STD-free but this just seems mean. If you are truly petrified of STDs then use your own hand or methods or whatever it is that gets you off. Seriously. I can't imagine something less sexy than revealing my naughty bits to a guy only to have him rip open this Vagina Blanket and spread it over like we're about to have a picnic. I would ask the gentleman to leave. No doubt.

Does anyone use this? If so, I want names. I want addresses. Moreover, I want stories.

On the sexetc.org website, they had this to say about dental dams:
"This doesn't mean that you can't enjoy oral sex. But it does mean that you need to plan ahead, talk to your partner, and use protection."

No, I CAN'T enjoy oral sex if there is saran wrap on my vagina.

Another site said the following:
"Always rinse the dam first to remove the powdery talc which should never enter the vagina or anus. Pat it dry with a towel, or let it air dry ahead of time. If you use a substitute, remember that some plastic, like that used for some garbage bags, can contain toxic chemicals that can be toxic your health."

This just took the sex out of sexy.

A: NO NO NO NO NO.

I wanted to just leave my post at that but I will go on...

There are just so many things wrong with this product that I can't wrap my mind around all of it. First off, it's completely unnecessary. If your face is going that close to someone's cooter, than I hope you know whether or not they're ridden with STDs (STIs?). For those of you that are more promiscuous and are worried about getting infected due to your lifestyle, here's a suggestion. Get your face out of that strange woman's vag and if you must, throw her a fingerblast. I'd say like 99% of the time it will get the job done just as well.

I'm all about staying clean and healthy and STD free, but there are just so many other ways you could do this.

Seriously, I couldn't think of a more unnecessary product. Back when I was in college, I was half an economics major, and I just don't see the markability/need for this product. There are just too many subsitutes of getting a girl off that does not entail plastering her ladybits with plastic film after engaging in strange rituals such "removing powdery talc" or "patting it dry with a towel."

Just no. Please NO. And I second Sim's request for a list of names, phone numbers, and addresses of all the people who find this acceptable to use. I want to stay as far away from all of you as possible.

I'm not sure I've ever felt this strongly about something in my entire life. DOWN WITH THE DAM!

Hot for Teacher

2010-11-17T23:31:00.000-08:00

A: First of all, holy hot damn, Mr. Shu working his abs all over the cover of Details magazine's latest issue. Who knew he was packing all that heat under his button ups and sweater vests?

Anyways, the point of this post is this: Where on the kill, fuck, marry list do high school teachers generally fall? This topic of conversation came up with my friend Lexie recently and it got me thinking. She made it seem as though being a high school teacher was kind of meh in terms of date-ability. I, on the other hand, completely disagree. Here's why:

1. They're good with kids. Something about that just screams hot. And, a girl can't deny that any sign that a guy might one day be a good father is a HUGE pantie dropper.

-1. The downside is that he's probably making scraps for a living. The mini-golddigger in me just lost her ladyboner.

2. Fantasy galore. There's nothing hotter than watching a guy rip off his tweed jacket with the patched on elbows, throw off his glasses, then clear his entire desk with one swoop of the arm, throw you on it and have his way with you. BRB, gotta change my knickers.

2b. Remember that teacher in high school that was so fine, and all you could think of was how much you wanted him to throw you a bone after class regardless of whether or not it helped your grade? Yeah, well that desire never really goes away.

2c. Every time I hear a story about how a teacher gets fired for hooking up with one of his students, part of me can't help but wish that student was me.

2d. There are about a bizillion pornos out there that have teacher themes, mainly directed towards males, but still. That's no coincidence. Teachers are effing hot.

3. Um, good health plan and benefits? We're thinking real long term here.

Add all that up and we've got a major candidate for a Fuck, if not a Marry. I guess I would even go as far to say that being a teacher would actually benefit a guy in terms of sexual appeal. Unless, of course, he's one of those over weight, sweaty, creepy teachers a la Mr. Anderson in Billy Madison. But then again, that goes for any profession. And in life.

Teachers, FTW!

(Thanks to m_iz for the picture tweet.)

S: I stopped watching Glee because 16 and Pregnant and 19 and counting (notice a pattern?) take up my budgeted TV-watching time. That being said, I may need to squeeze in some room for this fine specimen above. DAMN SCHU, WHAT U DOIN' WITH ALL DAT ABZ, ALL DAT ABZ INSIDE YER SHIRT?

There was something sexy about him from the get go. He cares about his students. He sings. He has a heart. And those sweater vests... (side note: I go for the bookworms) A brings up a good point about this high school teacher phenomena.

I remember at good ol' HP there was that one ridiculously hot science teacher who graduated from Princeton and all of the girls were visiting his backyard for that academic milkshake. And soon after a young good looking social studies came into the picture with his dark features and light eyes and that ridiculous plastic electronic watch he wore. We became close. Namely due to mock trial practices. But I asked him about the attention he surely garnered from the hot chicks from HP. He said he was glad that Hottie McScienceTeacher was getting most of the heat.

That's what you get for being an attractive male teacher. Hate the attention? Teach second grade - what do THOSE kids know about feelings?

Okay, so A's reasons for wanting to eff a teacher. I see the appeal. Both for high school girls and my current graduating-next-month state of being.

1. Nerdy. Yes. Conversations about good grammar make my panties drop faster than a Rich Jewish Guy convention. That takes a lot.
1a. GLASSES. ZOMG.

2. The forbidden aspect. You can look but you can't touch. But you can ALSO ask for tutoring. Namely with that 5-page paper. So many pages! You need help. One on one help. (high school)

3. You're out of work by 3. Lots of things to do around the house until I get home. I like to come home to dinner, FYI.

4. Patient. Perfect. I'm the opposite of that. Be the yin to my yang, my love.

There is something oddly off to me about screwing a guy who teacher, to be honest. Because they're all about teaching and bettering our generation and here I am trying to get it on. Makes me feel kind of dirty. But that would explain the litany of pornos with this very theme.

Mission: find a teacher. For research purposes only.

Kik Me? No, Kik You!

2010-11-08T14:21:00.000-08:00

A: Kik Messenger, an application available for download here, has been sweeping smartphones nationwide. For those unaware (all 5 of you), it's basically a program that allows all smartphone (i.e. BlackBerry, iPhone, Droid) users to communicate on one platform. You register into the program using your email, and through some kind of Harry Potter-esque magical wizardry, it syncs you up with any other Kik user that you may know. Furthermore, if you attain another person's username, you can search and add them into your contacts.

After hearing about it all over my Facebook newsfeed and from a few friends, I finally downloaded it two days ago. Everything about it sounded great, but as with anything that seems too good to be true, there's always a catch.

First of all, with no consent from you at all, it recognizes all the people in your phone contacts who are also members of the Kik community. This is all fine and well until you are connected with that random person from high school with whom you haven't spoken to in over seven years. Or that random guy you drunkenly met at the bar one night last summer stored in your phone as 'Mr. Hot Dick.' I think you can see the potential discomfort that may arise.

On top of that, people who I've never even heard of are popping up on my screen, with a prompt that suggests I may know this person. Well I don't, and the fact that this random stranger may somehow have my contact information frightens me deeply.

Let's go out on a limb here and say you have somehow managed to dodge Kik's cruel and unusual punishment of harassing you to reconnect with the estranged people from your past and/or complete strangers, you haven't dodged the awkwardness yet. In order to add a person to your contacts, you must first establish contact with them via some kind of direct message. In other words, you must 'kik' the person, if you ever want to talk to them via Kik Messenger ever again.

This has forced me to strike up a conversation with everyone whom I desire to be part of my contacts, even if I have nothing to say to them at that moment. I then have to explain to them that the only reason I am currently conversing with them is because I may want to speak to them sometime in the near future. Does anyone else find this really odd/completely unnecessary?

Why can't I just add them to my contacts without having to engage in an awkward, forced conversation? Why does this HAVE to be weird, Kik? Why?

I had a particularly uneasy experience the other day where I unknowingly reconnected with an undesirable person from my past. After that ordeal was over, I threatened to delete this God forsaken application off my phone. Too bad I was already completely addicted at that point, and the little icon has since been permanently moved to my home screen.

In Kik's defense, it is really cool and convenient that I can have BBM-style conversations with my non-BlackBerry friends without having to deal with my Bold's visually poor texting setup. Because afterall, texting is soooo 2007.

S: I am perfectly content with my text messaging using my iPhone. Because A is my best friend, I have to accept all of her flaws, the biggest being her ownership of a Blackberry. With time, I know she will make the switch. Until then, I am now able to creepily see when A receives my messages. And then know that it took her 4 hours to respond. Thanks, Kik.

Your awesomeeeee lol

2010-11-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

S: "Yesssss you will... canttt waitttt...lol..."

There are few things in life I find completely intolerable. Brownies, Twizzlers, the smell of white vinegar, long toenails, high-pitched voices, people who don't need to nap. Really, for the most part, I can tolerate flaws. Contrary to popular belief, we were not all made equally. I understand this. And for the most part, I've made peace with it.

I can't, no matter how hard I try, wrap my head around why people think it's okay to write in the kind of language you see above. Furthermore, I'm going to go ahead and speculate that this particular kind of person does not know the difference between "your" and "you're" and to avoid making any sort of mistake resorts to just a plain "ur."

It bugs me endlessly. A and I have talked about it many a time, especially when trading text messages from potential conquests. If I get one "lol" or "ur," that guy is going straight to the "eh, at least he's hot" pile. For me, there is no salvage value. I am a stickler for writing the way we were taught in middle school, in upper-middle class New Jersey schools. And no matter how drunk I am, opening a text from a guy that says "ur so hott" makes me want to jump into bed... alone.

What has happened to us that we feel the need to elongate works that don't need elongating? Can one not say OMG! instead of omgggggggg? The g's hurt my eyes and quite frankly, you sound stupid.

I remember the days of yore (aka 2002-2006) when AIM was the preferred method of talking about nothing all day long. The away messages were all the same: "doinq hw - call n distract mee!!" and would follow up with a phone number. No one would ever call, but you were making an effort to show that you WERE around to use the phone. Talk some more about nothing, maybe about going to the movie theater on Friday night. God forbid not to actually see a movie. Just to be there.

Replacing q's for g's was appropriate then. Using LOL was an appropriate substitute for haha. Using shortcuts and lame quotes from Dashboard Confessional songs was the standard. And then I became a junior and high school and saw the fork in the road. To the left was the shiny, well-paved road ahead. Sun was shining. Girls were tanned and poofed and guys wore Armani Exchange... everything. The signs said "qo0D qRaMmERrRr dIeZ hErE" but it seemed like the obvious, easy choice to make. To the right, it was gray. Foggy. Couldn't see what was ahead. But the signs were well written. Punctuation was abundant. I felt scared but I knew what was right for me.

And it has made all the difference.

A: I have to go ahead and second pretty much all that S has said above. I, like many, was also once a child of the AIM generation and found it excusable to use such terms as 'lol' and for a little while I even dared to type 'lols' in an effort to be cute. Needless to say, I have since seen the error in my ways and have become quite a stickler for grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

That's not to say I don't do the occasional abbreviation for words like 'totes,' 'omg,' and 'idk.' But all of this is done for the sake of time saving and allowing my finger joints a small break as I furiously type away into my BlackBerry.

To those who do choose to revert to their middle-school selves in the context of a text message, bbm, email, etc. I have only one thing to say to you: you sound like an idiot. Maybe I'm being harsh, but I just can't help feeling this way. Depending on my level of comfort with the individual, I will probably say something in effort to curb their usage. If I just met you, I will let it slide at first but guarantee that there is an intervention in your future.

When it comes to dudes, I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker, but it's really close. There's definitely some judgment going on there, and more often than not, this type of language abuse is usually a red-flag for other, more ingrained issues such as a lack of intelligence, immaturity, and just overall creepiness. I mean the main thing that kills me is 'lol.' Like, can't you just type 'haha?' It's ONE extra letter. ONE.

I am almost 99.9% against the 'lol' (and its cousins lmao, rofl, and their conjoined twin roflmao) but find it really funny to use it in a sarcastic fashion. I guess there's a (small) place for the 'lol' in my life, afterall.

Barack Obama's Rap Debut

2010-11-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

A: I first heard this song on a party bus (Gerard, for those informed) and of course, loooved it. Soulja Boy holds a special place in my heart ever since I practiced Crank Dat Soulja Boy for a bazillion hours in my dorm room sophomore year.

I ran home and downloaded it immediately and looked up the video to see if there were any other dance moves to learn. I was sad to find this poor excuse for a video, and the dance that he's doing looks like the poor-man's dougie. What was the production budget on this crap? 2$? I thought you were better than that, Soulja. But upon playing this song a few (hundred) times, I began to hear a familiar voice. If you listen really closely throughout the video, you will undoubtedly hear President Barack Obama providing a background rap vocal in his signature strained robotic voice. Right around the 2:25 mark is where you can hear it the best, I think.

Welcome to the game, Barack. And, also, I would like to welcome back Weezy F. Baby, as he is finally out of jail today. These two should do a calabo, no doubt. (God, I'm so white.)

Further research led me to the following video. I really have nothing else to say on the topic, but I find this song absolutely hilarious and can't stop listening. So. Damn. Catchy.

S: Politics make me nervous. So does Soula Boy. Not because he's black, but because of that whole Supaman that ho ordeal. Okay, it's really because I couldn't master the dance.

Nice to see you engaged in extracurricular activity, Obamz.

Black Out in a Can

2010-11-03T19:24:00.000-07:00

Over the past week there have been news stories about the alcoholic beverage called Four Loko. This is a 23.5-ounce canned drink that is 12% alcohol plus caffeine. It is an unhealthy combination of alcohol and a stimulant beverage and can be dangerous to your health and safety.

Caffeine is believed to help a person sober up, but instead the caffeine masks the alcohol’s effects. Four Loko’s combination of alcohol and caffeine can lead people to misjudge how intoxicated they are; and it has resulted in injuries and blackouts.

We encourage you to avoid or significantly limit the use of this drink and ask for your help in telling your friends about its dangers. Let's help keep each other safe and healthy by avoiding Four Loko.

For more information please contact University Health and Counseling Services (UHCS) at 617-373-2772 or www.northeastern.edu/uhcs.

S: When asking Aleks what would happen if I drank this, her response was simple:

"You'll die. No seriously, you won't get drunk. You'll just die."

This pretty much sums up my feelings about this beverage. Granted, I've dabbled a bit with Red Bull and vodka but only because I fall asleep easily and this was a particular debauchery-filled night that resulted in my getting kicked out of the Four Seasons (but stealing an apple before I left). So I really can't imagine what this hot mess would do to me.

It does concern me that college kids drink any garbage so long as it gets them "fucked up." You know what's fucked up? I watched a Baby Story this morning and cried when a woman delivered twins. Sobers you up real hard.

A: Just to clear anything up, that was an email sent out by the Northeastern University Health Services. If any of you have ever visited this establishment, you know very well the level of incompetency and incoherency that exudes out of that place.

With that being said, they are spot on with this warning. Four Loko is stupid. If you drink it, you're doing very stupid things to your body. Plain and simple. I've heard ridiculous statistics about how there's eight thousand cups of coffee and like six million shots in every can or whatever. But I don't need to hear all of that to know this shit is bad news. Just look at that thing! It looks like its covered in clown vomit. If that's not a warning to stay away, I don't know what is.

Now, I'm all about having fun and getting drunk and all but who really want to black out all the time? When does anyone wake up from a night of drinking and say, damn, I really wish I couldn't remember anything that happened last night? Assholes, that's who.

I'm sticking to regular booze. You know, stuff I can chug/shotgun without ending up in a hospital bed. I guess I'm just old school like that.

I'm Seeing Red

2010-11-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

S: Red cups that is! Today was this year's debut for the much anticipated red cups from Starbucks. A doesn't drink coffee but I do. And even though I'm a hipster at heart and prefer local mom and pop coffee shops, the inner Jesus-lover in me really gets excited for these cups. They're fashionable. Seasonal. And OMG Christmas is coming soon!

Bringing up this topic at work, a fellow coworker rolled her eyes at me and referred to an article stating that the cups were "unleashed" today rather than revealed. Judging by the few people I care to follow (and essentially everyone else via Facebook) on Twitter, many a person made references to these red cups. From a marketing perspective, Starbucks is really doing something right here.

Now for letting Jews in on the Christmas fun. That's your next challenge, Howard Schultz.

A: I don't drink coffee. It's been four plus years since I had a steaming (or iced) cup o' Joe, and I don't plan on reacquainting myself with him anytime soon.

But let's be real here. This post has nothing to do with coffee, and everything to do with marketing and the joy that is Christmas. Starbucks has put these two together (in something you can palm in your chilly little hand on a cold winter morning, nonetheless) and voila: genius. They sell hoards of hot, liquid crack by whoring out the internal warmth and spirit that only sleigh bells and Christmas carols can bring, and I'm okay with that. I mean this isn't some kind of novel idea, but I can't help but wonder if the 'Bucks decided to go the Hanukkah or Kwanzaa route one year. Would they sell anywhere near as many blue/silver or green/red/black cups of brew? Fuck no. Here's to sticking to what works. Mazel Tov to you, Starbucks, you over-priced, consumerist coffee chain.

And Mazel Tov to you, Christmas. I can say things like that because I'm only half Jewish.

PS - Sorry, Jill. I know how much you hate Christmas-y things before December 1st.

A Girl's Worst Nightmare

2010-11-02T17:19:00.000-07:00

A: I heard about this little devil when it was trending on twitter last week. Apparently, Playstation is coming out with this phone that duals as a gaming device. Fucking great. I prayed this day would never come, but am I surprised? Uh, no. It's no secret to me that guys are obsessed with video games. They go from six o'clock to midnight at just the mention of Halo. Luckily for us girls, they were once mainly constricted to their TVs and if we could peel them off the couch for just a second, we had at least a couple hours before they would retreat back to their disgusting, grease-stained man lairs to hunch over a controller and scream obscenities at a bunch of pixels on a screen.

Those days are limited. Soon they can carry their crazed obsession with them at all times, clicking away like possessed drones. All this thing needs is some sort of wet hole attachment feature, and the human race is at a serious risk of becoming extinct. Any species with opposable thumbs has cause for concern.

Ladies: get cracking on those blowie skills. It's all we have left.

S: People still play video games?

I start to furiously blink at video game talk more complex than MarioKart (which, by the way, I dominated at). I will concur with A, this is pretty disturbing. Aside from the consequences to my sex life with this stupid gadget, I'm perturbed with where technology is going. Are there reasons for people to actually SEE each other anymore? I'm pretty sure there will be "an app for that" one day... for sex itself.

Hi. Please read our blog.

2010-11-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

Here are some baby pictures of us. Now you're hooked.

Simona: Golfer, sailor, baby. Triple threat.

Alex: Not all days at the beach are filled with sand castles and sunshine.